


i look for you on sleepless nights

by bangyabangya



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Insomnia, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Needy Bang Chan, Supportive Woojin, woochan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-05-28 02:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15038312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangyabangya/pseuds/bangyabangya
Summary: Bang Chan hasn't slept in three days. Nobody notices except for Kim Woojin.(hopelessly soft and fluffy woochan)





	1. Chapter 1

 

Bang Chan hasn't slept in three days. 

He couldn't remember exactly when it started. Usually, he falls asleep without meaning to-- at his desk, working on new tracks, or on the couch while everyone else is watching a movie. So when he actually got ready for bed the other night like a normal person (at 11 PM too, no less), he felt proud of himself. He snuggled into his sheets and closed his eyes.

Five minutes passed. Then ten, then fifteen. 

He got up and peed, then laid back down. Ten more minutes passed. The door opened and Changbin came in, clumsily making his way to his own bed in the darkness, obviously trying not to wake Chan up. 

"I'm not asleep," Chan said. 

"Oh," Changbin answered. He turned his bedside light on. "Why not?"

"I'unno." 

"Do you care if I leave the light on for a bit?"

Yes. "Nah, go ahead." Sighing, he pulled out his phone.  _There goes my precious eight hours._ They had to be up by seven thirty tomorrow for shooting, and he'd been hoping to get a full night.  _Oh well_. He opened up Twitter and started stalking the #straykids tag. 

It was almost an hour later when Changbin finally turned off his light. "Night, hyung," he said. "Sorry if I kept you up."

"No, you're good. Night Binnie."

Changbin was asleep within five minutes. Chan could always tell when he was sleeping because of the cute little noise he made-- he didn't snore, but he tended to make the tiniest  _hmm_  noise as he exhaled. Chan once had a cat who did the exact same thing. 

Before he knew it, another twenty minutes had gone by, and he was just laying in the dark listening to Changbin breathe. He checked his phone, the bright screen telling him it was already 12:45. 

He groaned.  _This is the worst_. He could have been working on that new song this whole time, or catching up on the new season of One Punch Man. Or literally anything other than laying here and staring at the ceiling. 

Frustrated, he flipped over to his side, squishing a pillow between his legs. Minutes ticked by. He tossed and turned. He checked the clock, and threw it back down on the bed in frustration. 

Before he knew it, it was dawn. 

When Changbin's alarm went off (it was an 8bit version of the Pokemon theme song), Chan's eyes flew open. He felt like shit. His neck was stiff, his face felt puffy, and he was fucking exhausted. He dragged himself out of bed and got ready for the day. 

Usually at music shows he was able to nap in between rehearsal and the performance. But today, when he laid down on the couch with his head pillowed in Jisung's lap, he suddenly felt wide awake. 

_You've got to be fucking kidding me._

And it only got worse from there. Whenever he tried to go to sleep, he couldn't. He ended up falling into strange micro-sleeps at the weirdest moments, like while eating dinner or in the shower. 

The other members noticed he was on edge, but nobody realized quite how bad it really was. Changbin fell asleep so quickly he didn't seem to notice how much Chan was tossing and turning. 

On the third night, Chan gave up. It was five AM. Not quite light yet, but the sky outside was starting to become a little less pitch black and a little more gray. He shuffled zombie-like into the common area and collapsed onto the couch. 

He couldn't stop the tears. And why should he? He hadn't slept in days. His head was pounding. His chest felt tight. All of his limbs felt like lead. But worst of all was the anxiety-- what if he could never sleep again? You can  _die_  from that. So, yeah. He cried. 

"Chan?"

He stilled. He hadn't thought anyone was awake, but the voice was coming from the kitchen. 

He sat up and hurriedly wiped his eyes on his sleeves. "Woojin? What are you doing up?"

The older boy padded into the kitchen with a small bowl of milkless cereal. Woojin loved snacks, and he was struggling to deal with all the restrictions from their manager. He sat down on the couch and popped a few Cheerios in his mouth. "I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep." Woojin was one of the few members who actually tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour. 

Chan's tears stilled for a moment. Woojin always had a kind of calming effect on him-- out of all the members, Woojin was the steadiest. He didn't need constant looking after like some of the others did, and Chan could always trust him to do what needed to be done. 

Woojin glanced over at Chan, and though he looked away quickly, Chan knew he saw his puffy cheeks and tear-stained red eyes. But Woojin was thankfully Woojin, and he simply patted the leader on the leg roughly. "Can't sleep?" he asked. 

Chan was glad it was Woojin who found him here. Jisung would have tried to have a heart-to-heart. Felix would have panicked when he saw tears and probably ended up crying himself without knowing why. Changbin would have been flustered, Minho would have felt embarrassed to see the leader crying, and the younger kids would have made a fuss in one way or another. 

And here was Woojin, just sitting next to him companionably, making small talk. 

Chan wiped his eyes again with the back of his hands, not bothering to hide it. "Yeah," he answered. He didn't elaborate and he knew Woojin wouldn't ask him to. It made him feel a tiny bit better. 

"Do you wanna watch TV?" Woojin asked. 

"Is that what you were gonna do?"

"Mmm, I was gonna listen to some music."

"Do that then. Don't let me stop you." 

Woojin pulled out his phone and some earbuds from the pocket of his basketball shorts. He put one in his ear and then wordlessly held the other one out to Chan, who took it.

He realized then that he didn't know what kind of music the older boy liked other than Blackpink and Got7. When he heard soft female vocals-- in English, no less-- flow into his ear, he was surprised. 

_You're so nice and you're so smart_

_You're such a good friend I have to break your heart_

_I'll tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart_

_Just pretend I didn't tear your world apart._

Woojin didn't know the words well, but he hummed along. That was another thing Chan liked about him-- he was so helplessly  _musical_. He was always singing, always producing some kind of melody. 3racha was musical, too, but Jisung and Changbin and even Chan himself were almost too...  _complex_  about it. Their heads were thinking about beats and layers and vocals and bridges and wordplay and all sorts of other components. 

Woojin just had a voice inside of him. A beautiful voice that wanted to be heard. And Chan was happy to listen. 

As he lay there on the couch, a sweet but scratchy woman's voice in one ear and Woojin's low humming in the other, he felt relaxed. Comfortable. The other boy's leg was tapping ever so slightly to the beat, and the motion was strangely soothing. 

Without noticing, he finally fell asleep. 

 

* * *

When he woke again, the sun was shining brightly into their living room, and the entire dorm was quiet. 

Blinking hard against the brightness, Chan checked his phone. 

_2:00 PM_!

He shook his head and checked it again.  _No way_. The dorm would never be this quiet at 2 in the afternoon. 

He got up from the couch and padded from room to room, poking his head into each open doorway. All the bedrooms were empty. The whole dorm was empty. 

The dorm was  _never_  empty. Unless they had a schedule, and-- they hadn't left him behind, had they?! 

He desperately checked his phone again. There were no notifications. No messages in the group chat. 

_Calm down_. 

He made himself breathe. They had managers. Nobody would have left him behind. Whatever was going on, there was a good explanation. 

Just then, the lock clicked, and the front door creaked open. 

"He's awake!"

Someone barrelled into him. Jisung. The boy grinned up at him with his cute, toothy smile. 

"Yay, we don't have to be quiet anymore," said Hyunjin, deadpan. Jeongin walked into Chan too, knowing that if he did, the leader would automatically envelop him in a big hug. His kids swarmed around him, chattering away, and he ruffled their hair and held their arms and hugged them. 

"What do you mean, you don't have to be quiet anymore?"

"Woojinnie-hyung came around and told us to be really quiet this morning 'cause you were sleeping on the couch," whined Felix. 

"But we weren't very good at it," said Seungmin. 

"So he took us to the movies!" Jeongin yelled happily.

Chan glanced over at Woojin, who was busy getting a snack in the kitchen. Eight tickets to a movie? That must have taken a pretty big chunk out of his pocket money. Woojin's family wasn't struggling by any means, but they also weren't rich. 

"We saw The Incredibles 2!"

"It was so good."

"Eh, it was okay--"

"What? What about that part where he--"

They bickered on in the background. Chan was good at tuning them out when he wanted to, and their voices faded away. Instead he watched Woojin. The other boy finally looked over at him and smiled that big, endearing grin. "Feeling better?" 

Before Chan could answer, Woojin had walked away to the room he shared with Minho. Chan's eyes watched him go. 

 

* * *

Chan felt better than he had in days. But that night, as he lay down to sleep again, the familiar tug of anxiety gripped him. It started as an uneasy feeling in the back of his mind, one he forcibly ignored. But it grew and grew, and it made his stomach clench and his heart beat loudly in his chest and his mouth dry. His fists clenched at his sides.

Hoping to recreate the relaxed feeling from last night, he grabbed a pair of earbuds from his nightstand and opened Spotify. He didn't know who they'd listened to last night, but he put on a folk-sounding ballad he'd heard on the radio the other day. The girl's voice was low and gentle, and had a certain sadness to it. It was nice. 

But he still couldn't fall asleep. 

Desperate, he once again moved to the couch, hoping for a repeat of the night before. But Woojin didn't come. Instead, Chan just laid there until their manager came in to wake everyone up for their schedule. 

Chan hid his sleep deprivation well. He was used to sleepless nights. But all throughout the day, he caught Woojin glancing at him. Quick little glances, so natural Chan almost missed them. When they finally got home at two AM, most of the boys headed straight to bed-- but Woojin held back. 

"Do you wanna listen to some music?" he asked nonchalantly. "I found a song you might like."

A wave of pure relief washed over Chan. "Yeah," he breathed. "Yeah, let's hear it. I liked that one from the other night."

Woojin settled comfortably into the couch, curling up against the arm as he liked to do. Chan sat a little nervously next to him-- he wanted to lay down, but didn't want to be weird. 

As if reading his thoughts, Woojin spoke. "Lay down," he suggested. "You look tired."

_Why is he doing this for me?_

But Chan didn't really have to ask. He knew. He knew, because it was the same thing he himself always did for the members. Looked out for them. Took care of them when they needed it. Until now, he'd never needed anyone to do the same for him.

He was glad Woojin noticed.

So he slid down until his head was resting in Woojin's lap. The older boy held out one of his earbuds, and before drawing his hand back, his fingers brushed against Chan's hair. They rested there a moment, then he busied himself selecting a song. 

_You like the city lights_

_I like the stars at night_

_If you're happy in New York_

_I'll bring you home_

_I'll sleep in museums_

_While you take all day to see 'em_

_Meet in the lobby_

_And I'll bring you home_

 

He couldn't tell if the voice was male or female at first, and the song had a slightly jarring quality he liked. It was short, though, and he was still awake by the end of it.

"Play me another," he said quietly. 

He did. Song after song, until finally he drifted away.

 

* * *

And so it went, for awhile. 

Chan suffered through sleepless night after sleepless night. Whenever he was dangerously exhausted, Woojin was there for him, unquestioning.

After a week of this, when Woojin drew Chan down beside him in the early hours of the morning, Chan knew something was different. Woojin was sitting tense and stiff beside him, his usual fluid and easy manner gone. 

Chan nudged him gently. He might be sleep-deprived, but he was still the leader. "What's wrong?"

"I'm worried about you." His voice was quiet, but steady. 

Chan hugged his knees. He didn't like hearing it, but of course Woojin was right to be worried. "I know." 

The other boy turned to face him. "Why don't you tell the manager you can't sleep? They'll take you to the doctor. This isn't  _good_  for you."

"I  _can_ sleep!" Chan protested. "I just-- I just need your help." As soon as it was out of his mouth, he regretted it. It sounded pitiful. Pitiful and weird. He bit his lip. 

Then he felt a hand take his. 

"Of course I'll help you," the older boy said softly. "I'm here for you. We all are." 

He couldn't help it. Tears rolled down his face, and he made small sniffling noises as he tried to keep from crying for real. But when Woojin's arms pulled him close, rubbing his back, he couldn't stop it. 

Woojin just sat with him until the tears faded away. 

"I'll be right back," he said, disappearing into his room. A few minutes later a sleepy-looking Minho stumbled out, carrying a pillow and his phone charger. He walked haphazardly into Chan's room and shut the door behind him. 

"He'll stay in your bed tonight," Woojin explained. He pulled Chan to his feet and took his hand, leading him towards the bedroom. "You can stay with me."

Chan's heart thumped in his chest. His hand felt somehow small in Woojin's grasp, even though the other boy's weren't that much bigger. It was just something about how steady he was; how confidently and tightly he closed his hand around Chan's. It made him feel... safe.

And just then, it was clear to him.

"Taking care of other people is exhausting," he whispered, almost to himself. "It was so exhausting I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't sleep." His voice got even smaller. "I wanted someone to take care of me."

Woojin stopped mid-step and turned around. He gathered Chan into a strong, tight hug. "I'll take care of you," he mumbled. 

They stood like that for a moment; Chan just letting himself be held and wrapped up and supported, for once, by someone else.

_Not just anyone else._ By Woojin. 

"Come on," the older boy mumbled, disentangling himself from Chan. "Let's go to bed."

Chan let himself be led into the bedroom. Minho and Woojin's room was always neat and tidy, and they both had loft beds. As he climbed the steps to the bed, Woojin's hand was steady against his back. 

Woojin's blankets smelled like fresh laundry, and his comforter was big and puffy and warm. Chan sat back on his heels at the foot of the bed, nervous. He'd slept in plenty of the other's beds before. But never with them in it. And never Woojin's bed-- he and Minho didn't like others coming into their room. The kids tended to make a mess wherever they went. 

Woojin crawled past him and burrowed under the covers. He re-emerged, hair touseled, and held up the blankets in invitation. "Come on," he said. 

Chan gingerly settled in next to him, suddenly awkward and not sure where to put his limbs. Woojin laughed quietly. He scooted up so he was leaning partially against the headboard of the bed, and he gently coaxed Chan into place next to him. Chan's head rested against Woojin's chest, and Woojin placed an arm around his shoulders. The older boy stroked his hair. 

"Do you want some music?" he asked. 

Chan opened his mouth to say yes, but closed it. He could hear Woojin's heart beating a steady, soothing rhythm, and his eyes were already beginning to feel heavy.

"No," he said sleepily. "I think... I think I just need you."

Woojin might have said something then. But Chan would never know, because as soon as the last words left his lips, he was asleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh woochan kills me, I love two supportive dads.


	2. extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little epilogue

Chan's head was bent over the desk, hands running through his hair over and over again. Eventually he sighed and laid his head down on top of his notebook with a groan.

Woojin was watching him from the doorway, a mug full of tea in his hands. He couldn't stop a little smile from spreading across his face. Chan had disappeared three hours ago, leaving Woojin with a quick kiss on the cheeks and a short, "Studio time." They both lost track of the hours ticking by, and before he knew it it was dark and Chan still hadn't come out from his studio.

Quietly, Woojin padded over to the desk. He set the mug down with a _clink,_ but Chan didn't stir. It was amazing how quickly he could fall asleep. Woojin leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on top of Chan's messy curls. He smelled faintly of strawberry-- he must have stolen Felix's shampoo again.

Chan refused to wake. Woojin knelt down next to him, one hand still in his hair, running his fingers through the tangles. "Hey, sleepyhead," he said. 

It worked. Chan blinked sleepily. When his eyes found Woojin, he smiled. "I wasn't sleeping," he said, stretching his arms up to the ceiling.

"Liar."

"I was just resting my eyes."

Woojin snorted and handed the mug to Chan, who wrapped both of his hands around it, leaning down to sniff the hot liquid inside. "Ohh, Darjeeling? My favorite."

"I know," Woojin said. "How's it going?" 

Chan sighed. "I had something, but I got stuck." He chuckled to himself. "And put myself to sleep, I guess."

"Ha, so you _were_ sleeping."

"Yeah, fine, you win."

Woojin reached out and took Chan's face in both his hands, and touched his lips softly to Chan's forehead. "I'm glad you can sleep without me now," he said.

Before he could pull back, Chan caught his wrist and brought him in closer. Chan touched their foreheads together, Chan's skin a little wet from Woojin's kiss. "It's not without you," he whispered. He pressed his lips against Woojin's; soft at first and then deeper, almost desperate. "When I close my eyes, I hear your heartbeat. Every time."

Without breaking their kiss, Woojin's hand found Chan's and they wound their fingers together. And if Woojin's lips were wet from tears-- Chan's or his own, he couldn't tell-- when they pulled apart, well, nobody had to know. Just like nobody had to know that Chan fell asleep every night thinking of Woojin's heartbeat, and that Woojin did the same.

Chan knew. Woojin knew. And that was enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't leave this fic alone so i wrote a little epilogue, sweet kisses in the studio <3 
> 
> find me on twt @staybangbang


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